I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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