i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
