Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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