You can't special order awesome
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
