haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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