i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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