I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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