Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
