Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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