PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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