did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
