Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
