what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then my night got REAL pukey
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
