he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
