i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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