So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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