Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
