I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
