the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
