just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
