Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
