i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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