oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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