Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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