then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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