I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
