you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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