just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
