I want to have your abortion
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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