At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
