Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
