Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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