you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
