Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
