I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
