She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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