i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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