Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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