i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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