Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
