I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
