for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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