CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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