i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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