So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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