look no pants
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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