I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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