found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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