I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
