I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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