tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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