ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
