My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
