We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
