is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
