Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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