the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
