Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
