grandma shit on top of the toilet
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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