I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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