I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
