me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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