she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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