he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dicks are not precious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
