Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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