just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
