Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
