it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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